Jaxon
Jaxon P. Cheetos-Cena (born 40 AC), commonly known by his stage name, Private Je m'appelle Jeff, is a former priest of the Fruity Pebble League, vocal opponent to the Cocoa League, former hitman of the OverTRUTH cult organization, and current General of the prestigious GGS Republic. Born in the Frito-Lay-Post Foods Headship Factory to royal high priest Thaddeus W. Cheetos-Cena of the famed Fruity Pebble Order. From a young age, Jaxon was taught the trials and tribulations of the day to day life as head priest of the spiritual society by his father, who Jaxon would eventually face and defeat as stated in the prophecy of the pebble. At the age of 2, Jaxon followed the weave of fate and defeated his father in hand to hand combat, becoming the 31st head priest of the Fruity Pebble Order. Jaxon held this position for many centuries until his capture and later brainwashing by the OverTRUTH terrorist splinter group. Despite eventually recovering from his brainwashing, many claim that Jaxon is unfit to be a co-leader of the GGS Republic, in fear that his underlying cult urges may one day resurface. In 80 AC (2017 AD), Jaxon was indoctrinated into the GGS Republic as Secretary of War underneath President Joseph Gongokovich, claiming absolute power over the Air Force, Military, and Navy. Despite his perfect military track record, many theorists claim that the General's position is simply a figurehead to try and appease those who believe the Republic is not as accepting of Caucasian males than those of pan-African decent. Despite these claims, Jaxon continues to happily command the GGS army with pride and patriotism. Biography Jaxon, born in the Frito-Lay-Post Foods Headship Factory of the Terraformed District, Titan Lunar Region, Saturnian Territory (40 AC), was born into the Fruity Pebble League and raised under his father who played the role of royal high priest in the Order due and took Jaxon on over 750 Take-Your-Son-To-Work days. At the age of 2, Jaxon challenged and defeated his father in a 20 year long battle to claim his place as head priest of the Order, completing the Pebble Prophecy, and became the 31st head priest of the Fruity Pebble Order. Jaxon held this position for many centuries, more than any priest before him, until his capture and later brainwashing by the OverTRUTH splinter group. In 79 AC (2016), Jaxon was invited to partake in a tour of the OverTRUTH Organizations headquarters as a guest of honor, unknown at the time of their malicious activities. Jaxon was offered a delicious bowl of his favorite, divine breakfast treat, the Fruity Pebble, but to his terror, the bowl was poisoned with chocolate sin, and he collapsed into a state of deep sleep. Jaxon was later brainwashed and used for many covert op assassinations against his will. It was not until his rescue by the GGS Republic in a failed assassination attempt on current GGS vice-president, David W. Negersire, that the mind control process was able to be reversed with new top of the line neural technology. However, this procedure did not leave him unscathed. Following his medical procedure, Jaxon was plagued by chocolaty nightmares which he claimed were the damned souls of those he had killed during his time as a hit man. President Gongokovich, seeing the possibility for an alliance with the Fruity Pebble Order, and the potential usefulness of having a former, trained hit man at his side, granted Jaxon the position of Secretary of War under the GGS republic. Now proudly serving as the Secretary of War of the GGS Republic, Jaxon has gone on over 80,000 military conquests across the Eurasian plate with an astounding zero casualty track record for his troops. As acting general, Jaxon has shown no mercy to all enemies of the Republic, and uses whatever techniques and methods he can to obtain victory while still remaining loyal to his people. Abilities Jaxon has several abilities and powers that he has learned as royal high priest of the Fruity Pebble Order, skilled hit man in the OverTRUTH organization, and from his mentors in the GGS Republic. * Thousand Pebble Punch - An ability learnt only by the royal high priest of the Fruity Pebble Order, Jaxon hones in on the power of The Pebble and releases this energy outward in the form of a thousand quick punches within the span of a millisecond. This attack is said to judge the guilty, sparing those of pure heart and soul, but punishes the wicked by causing an immediate implosion in whichever spot one of Jaxon's punches made contact. * Electromagnetic Shitting '- By going into a hibernation state, Jaxon can hold in his shit for up to 10,000 years and release it through a concentrated beam which can rip through the fabric of reality itself. It is said this is how Jaxon was able to defeat his father at such a young age. * '''Bey Whirlwind '- A technique taught to high-ranking hitmen in the OverTRUTH organization, Jaxon can wield a sharpened Nippon steal 'edged bey and slice through his opponents with ease. Those who manage to survive this attack instantly kill themselves. * '''Good Meal '- By having himself a nice lasagna dish, Jaxon can recover from any wound and even return from the dead if need be. * 'Converted Retardation '- By channeling the overabundance of chromosomes within his body, Jaxon can release a powerful seismic shock. This is one of Jaxon's most powerful moves, being able to vaporize continents with ease; at the cost of missing really easy questions on math tests and getting 3s on your AP exam. Personal Life By the age of 3 weeks, Jaxon had over 56 wives and birthed thousands of offspring, including Douglas Engelbart, the inventor of mouse pads.